Comical Stories:

Improving or simply changing your perspective can make all the difference. Reading stories like the following is a great escape and much much better than something like TV - mind deadening entertainment (plus indoctrination).   To easily and quickly improve your finances, re-direct your taxes, while also greatly benefiting the environment, and the economy and country (at no cost to you), check this - most beneficial program that ever was.   Please contact us (below) about concerns, questions or counseling help (free) about anything.


What is a bad day?
12/13/09


Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to a radio station in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bum started to burn!I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water de-compression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your bum. Now repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

Rob's sister won the radio station's worst job contest.

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT
(8/31/04)

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.

This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.......

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional Information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was Working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the Barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping Until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and Was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the Barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however,as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.


A Smart Purchase
(3/9/04)

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.   But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy, did we go around!   Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year . . . that "in one year the windows would pay for themselves."

There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard back.

Guess I won that stupid argument!

"Seniors" - Ya Gotta Lov-um:
(1/6/04)

A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head.

Then there was a short moment of silence...

"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank goodness we can still drive!"

The Parrot & Magician
(12/21/03)

A magician worked on a cruise ship.   The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

One problem:   The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once the parrot understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show:   "Look, it's not the same hat!",  "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!",   "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything about it.   It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one day in a terrific storm the ship sank.

The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea, with, as fate would have it, the parrot.   They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day, and then another, and then another.   Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back:

"OK, OK,   I give up!   Where's the ship?"

CAN COLD WATER CLEAN DISHES?
(9/24/03)

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather...."are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal".

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes..... so he ask again, "Are you sure these plates are clean"?

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before; those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't ask me about it anymore!"

As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass so he said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV his grandfather shouted, "COLDWATER, Go lay down~!"

Can You Hear Me Now?
(6/5/03)

An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing.   So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.

The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.

"Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you.   If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

"Honey, what's for supper?"   No response.

So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away.

"Honey, what's for supper?"   No response.

So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"   No response.

On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"   Still he doesn't hear anything.

So he walks right up behind her.  "Honey, what's for supper?"

"For the FIFTH time,   CHICKEN!"

A Redhead??
(7/2/2003)

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible" says the doctor..
"Show me!"
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor asks, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No" she says," I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken".

Blonde Vs. Redhead
(2/17/03)

A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
The redhead placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said, "All is fair. Here is your money."
The redhead replies, "Honey, I can' t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Righteous Inspiration

An old man lived alone in Alabama.   He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.   His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison (being falsely accused).   The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year.   I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.   If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.     Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son which shocked and puzzled him.

"Dear Dad, For heaven's sake dad, Don't dig up that garden - that's where I buried the bodies!    Love, Bubba"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, FBI agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.   They apologized to the old man and left.   A couple of days later, the old man received another letter from his son.   With tears of gratitude and respect, he read.

"Dear Dad,   Most of the plot should be OK for planting now - go ahead and plant as much as you can of the potatoes.   That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Bubba"

Staying Young???

I have been guilty of looking at others my own age and thinking . . . surely I cannot look that old . . . . . . . . . I'm sure you've done the same . . . . . . You may enjoy this short story - -

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name.   Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago.

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.   This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.   "Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?"   I asked.
He answered, "In 1957."
"Why, you were in my class!"   I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked,
"What did you teach?"

The Lawyer versus the Farmer

A big city New York lawyer went duck hunting in rural West Virginia.   He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.   As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in West Virginia.   We settle small disagreements like this with the West Virginia Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the West Virginia Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.   He agreed to abide by the local custom.   The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller...    His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.   His second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face.   The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to . . . . .   give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's mmaaiii turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw . . . . .   I give up.   You can have the duck."

Protected by Moses and Jesus

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the hell are you?"
"Raaa . . just a bird named Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses!?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"
"Raaa . . answered the bird, the same people that named their Rottweiler Jesus."

Adam's Option


Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

He said, "this pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you!

She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history....


Computer Gender


A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns (unlike their English counterparts) are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House," in French, is feminine - "la maison."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine - "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won!

One Wish

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Moreover, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach to the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for such a worldly thing. Take a little more time. Try to think of another wish -- one that might not be so materialistic or dramatic and that you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "Do you want two or four lanes on that bridge?"

The LONE RANGER and . . . .
From "ziggy" --

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to help cool him down."

Tonto said, "Sure, Kimosabe," and took off running circles around Silver.

As Silver was starting to feel a little better and not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, What's wrong with him now?"

The cowboy turns to him and says . . . . .
: )
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"Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin."        : )

Looking For Jesus


A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,
"Are you here to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Ccccccccccertainly."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, did you find Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "Nnnnnnno, I, I diiiiiiidn't find him."
The preacher, bothered by the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time. He then pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, IIIIIIII haven't ffffffffound Jesus."
Now the preacher is frustrated and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins thrashing his arms and legs he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
"Aaaaaare, are you sssssssure this is where he fffffffell in?"

Looking Forward To Our Golden Years

A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.

You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger,one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to the old couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady. "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered... > > > >>> >
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> > > >>> > "The Teeth."

What a Good Neighbor

A man is sleeping when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It doesn't take the homeowner long to realize the man is drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost! It's half past three! I was in bed!" screams the man as he slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened. She remarks, "Honey, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on some man's door to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," explains the wife. "He needs our help and it would be nice to help him."

So, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door but he can't see the stranger anywhere in the dark, so he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"

He hears a voice cry out, "Yes, please."

"Where are you?" shouts the homeowner.

The stranger calls back, "I'm over here, on your swing."

Benefits of Good Health

An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, their guide took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," the guide replied. "This is heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to new one that represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" The reply: "This is heaven; you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!" The guide replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Their guide lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and shrieked wildly. The guide and the man's wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted green vegetables and bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Ducks in Heaven?

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven . . . don't step on the ducks." So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!" The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy. The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on . . ..a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?" She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.!!

Errant Email .... From Beyond?

It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota, who decided to go to Florida for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. Since both spouses worked, they had difficulty coordinating their schedules, so the decision was made to have the husband leave for Florida on a certain day, with the wife following him one day later. The man made it down to Florida and arrived at this hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in Minneapolis an e-mail. However, he left off one letter in typing his wife's e-mail address and sent the e-mail off without realizing his error. In another part of the country, a widow had just returned from the funeral of her husband, who had been called to glory just a few days earlier. She decided to check her e-mail because she was expecting to hear from her husband's relatives and friends. Upon reading the first e-mail, she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor. The woman's son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following e-mail message: To My Loving Wife: I've just been checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Your Devoted Husband. PS: Sure is hot down here.

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Vehicle EDC KIT - All Around Protection



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Reference Note:   If you would like to find additional inspiration, or learn more about how to handle difficult experiences, bring greater peace and happiness and fulfillment into the lives of those you care about and yourself, then you can   Click Here   or   call:   800-720-9400 (for Free Video and/or books)   or   contact us.   Many self help, motivational organizations and/or psychologists, etc. charge considerable fees for similar guidance and help, but you can get all the direction & help you need for any concern from the source of everything (good) at no charge.

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Paying Income Taxes? You can reduce what you pay by about 40% AND direct those funds into an income producing asset (you own) in Clean Renewable Energy, (instead of bureaucratic waste). You can gain ownership in a Solar Power Plant at NO Cost, plus considerable cash in your pocket (immediately) - all legally of course, and greatly beneficial to the country and everyone, as well as to you. Explained Here.


For any INVESTING / TRADING in the stock market, here is info on a new a AUTO TRADING PROGRAM that protects against crashes, vigils your account constantly (without you attention), pulls you out or reverses direction when the market turns against your positions - reduces / eliminates losses, AND regularly generates 10% and more gains per MONTH - the "no brainer" for INVESTING IN THE STOCK MARKET in the stock market.

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Something else EVERYONE should learn about -- to better prepare for the future
- - to better protect yourself -- concerning the massive money confiscation and illegal controls over the money, economies & governments of the U.S. and the world,
-- an In-Depth, Critical History of Money & Banking - the root of most deceptions, problems, conflicts. The U.S. obviously went into Iraq under very questionable or false pretenses. Millions of people around the world are suffering and dying - in many unjust, unnecessary wars, and from abusive governments. The least everyone can do is get informed as to just what is going on, and where most of the control exists:

"The Money Masters" Video - about who controls the "money" - the creation (confiscation) of massive Wealth & Power.

Learn what is going on and what should be done in our government and our economy today from one in congress who is worth listening to, who addresses the most important, core concerns in our society: the fraud, manipulations & control of the big money (central bankers) and the over extended power(s) of the government, the dismantling of the constitution, and sovereignty of the U.S., Ron Paul at: campaignforliberty.com

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Knowledge,               Intelligence,                 Wisdom

in life generally (and in religion) and how they affect our mental, emotional & spiritual health and happiness parallel how Diet & Nutrition affect our physical health:


For some important concepts to consider about your Diet and how much it affects your health, check our page on "Nutrition & Health" plus the connecting pages (linked from that page).   For other good sources of info and the kinds of products that are critical to get the necessary nutrition that is severely lacking in most diets, the following sites we have found to be two of the best resources (highest quality and at reasonable prices):

Nature's First Law - Loaded with resources - many informative, inspiring and motivating books -- well worth the nominal costs.

Pure Potent Organic Plant Nutrition   -   Highest quality, most pure products - direct from plants - at most reasonable prices - for all health concerns.

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